found words

“When someone having a great day says, ‘Trust God,’ to someone in pain, it sounds like a heartless accusation. It also robs the suffering believer of the opportunity to testify about God’s grace. It’s the comforter’s job to weep; it’s the hurting person’s job, when he or she is ready, to tell others about God’s sufficiency.  Too often it happens the other way around. Would-be comforters leave people weeping after ‘bearing witness’ to them that God is sufficient.”

-from The Infertility Companion


What do you think?  I came across that quote today and I thought it was very insightful.

Lately I have heard the words, "God is the giver of life, doctors don't know everything" when I have shared with someone the pain of infertility.  Of course I agree with the statement and I do indeed pray for a miracle.  But when offered in this context, the words do feel like an accusation: "No matter what the doctor says, if you have enough faith, God will reward you with a child."  And if I don't receive that miracle . . . I didn't have enough faith?  I chose science over God?  The person who did get pregnant had more faith than I did?  I know that no one intends for their words to sound like this, but it is really hard to hear well-meaning people brush aside all of the hard medical facts with a breezy, "Trust God." 

What I really need in those moments is acknowledgment of my grief, validation of my fears, and maybe a morbid joke about Ryan's killer sperm or our plan to buy a baby sometime soon.  I know it's hard to know what to say when times are tough.  It's ok, "I'm so sorry" is always a good place to start.


Family and friends:  This is not a passive-aggressive attempt to let you know how I feel.  I am not referring to anyone who reads this blog.  I love you all!