“When someone having a great day says, ‘Trust God,’ to someone in pain, it sounds like a heartless accusation. It also robs the suffering believer of the opportunity to testify about God’s grace. It’s the comforter’s job to weep; it’s the hurting person’s job, when he or she is ready, to tell others about God’s sufficiency. Too often it happens the other way around. Would-be comforters leave people weeping after ‘bearing witness’ to them that God is sufficient.”
-from The Infertility Companion
What do you think? I came across that quote today and I thought it was very insightful.
Lately I have heard the words, "God is the giver of life, doctors don't know everything" when I have shared with someone the pain of infertility. Of course I agree with the statement and I do indeed pray for a miracle. But when offered in this context, the words do feel like an accusation: "No matter what the doctor says, if you have enough faith, God will reward you with a child." And if I don't receive that miracle . . . I didn't have enough faith? I chose science over God? The person who did get pregnant had more faith than I did? I know that no one intends for their words to sound like this, but it is really hard to hear well-meaning people brush aside all of the hard medical facts with a breezy, "Trust God."
What I really need in those moments is acknowledgment of my grief, validation of my fears, and maybe a morbid joke about Ryan's killer sperm or our plan to buy a baby sometime soon. I know it's hard to know what to say when times are tough. It's ok, "I'm so sorry" is always a good place to start.
Family and friends: This is not a passive-aggressive attempt to let you know how I feel. I am not referring to anyone who reads this blog. I love you all!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Book Report
Since my last book post I have read:
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
I saw live musical stage show before reading the book, so I thought I knew what it would be like. The book is much darker than the musical; at times a little long.
Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund
Another book that is a little long. 688 pages! This is the fictional story of the wife of Captain Ahab from Moby Dick (which I have never read). It has a great opening line: "Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last..." I always judge a book by the first line; it always says so much about the quality of the entire book. For my favorite first line, please take a look at Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham
At 656 pages this one is also no easy read. But it didn't seem too long; actually I was disappointed when it ended. This is one of the more thought-provoking books I have read lately; definitely my most highly recommended among those listed here.
Tisha by Robert Specht and Anne Purdy
My friend Dori lent me this book because it takes place in Alaska, and some of the places mentioned in the book were spots that we went through on our journey out here. It is the true story of a pioneer schoolteacher in the harsh Alaska wilderness. Not groundbreaking literature but a very interesting perspective on our country's wildest state.
Winterdance by Gary Paulsen
I gave this book to Ryan for Christmas because he likes true stories. This is one man's quest to run the Iditarod dog sled race (which is going on now, by the way). Written by and about the author of Hatchet. It's a pretty easy read, adventurous and informative all at the same time.
I am currently reading . . . A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway. I read this last year based on my brother Kevin's recommendation, and liked it so much that I bought it. Hemingway is one of my favorite authors, and what better subject matter than the Lost Generation of 1920's Paris? De-lightful.
So, what have you been reading lately?
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
I saw live musical stage show before reading the book, so I thought I knew what it would be like. The book is much darker than the musical; at times a little long.
Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund
Another book that is a little long. 688 pages! This is the fictional story of the wife of Captain Ahab from Moby Dick (which I have never read). It has a great opening line: "Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last..." I always judge a book by the first line; it always says so much about the quality of the entire book. For my favorite first line, please take a look at Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham
At 656 pages this one is also no easy read. But it didn't seem too long; actually I was disappointed when it ended. This is one of the more thought-provoking books I have read lately; definitely my most highly recommended among those listed here.
Tisha by Robert Specht and Anne Purdy
My friend Dori lent me this book because it takes place in Alaska, and some of the places mentioned in the book were spots that we went through on our journey out here. It is the true story of a pioneer schoolteacher in the harsh Alaska wilderness. Not groundbreaking literature but a very interesting perspective on our country's wildest state.
Winterdance by Gary Paulsen
I gave this book to Ryan for Christmas because he likes true stories. This is one man's quest to run the Iditarod dog sled race (which is going on now, by the way). Written by and about the author of Hatchet. It's a pretty easy read, adventurous and informative all at the same time.
I am currently reading . . . A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway. I read this last year based on my brother Kevin's recommendation, and liked it so much that I bought it. Hemingway is one of my favorite authors, and what better subject matter than the Lost Generation of 1920's Paris? De-lightful.
So, what have you been reading lately?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Baking
Whenever I bake, I think of my sisters. We used to bake together, when we were young. Chocolate chip cookies, brownies from a box mix, Grandma's cinnamon jumbles, birthday cakes, endless Christmas cookies.
I am a very particular cook, and it always makes me feel a little tense to be working in the kitchen with other people. I start over-analyzing all of my kitchen skills, wondering if the other person will be noticing all the things I am doing wrong. And, I am sometimes noticing all the things the other person does that I would do differently, but I feel awkward trying to figure out how to say, "Here, let me help you with that raw chicken on the cutting board with all those salad veggies."
But I am never more comfortable in the kitchen with others than when I am with my sisters. We all learned how to cook from my Mom (and a few things from Dad, too) so we all have the same basic cooking rules. We feel comfortable with helping each other, getting all up in each others' space, trusting each other to chop or saute or melt something so we don't have to keep one eye on them while doing our own thing. (But maybe we still do because we are nosy like that.)
So even though I prefer to cook alone, when I bake I think of my sisters.
I am a very particular cook, and it always makes me feel a little tense to be working in the kitchen with other people. I start over-analyzing all of my kitchen skills, wondering if the other person will be noticing all the things I am doing wrong. And, I am sometimes noticing all the things the other person does that I would do differently, but I feel awkward trying to figure out how to say, "Here, let me help you with that raw chicken on the cutting board with all those salad veggies."
But I am never more comfortable in the kitchen with others than when I am with my sisters. We all learned how to cook from my Mom (and a few things from Dad, too) so we all have the same basic cooking rules. We feel comfortable with helping each other, getting all up in each others' space, trusting each other to chop or saute or melt something so we don't have to keep one eye on them while doing our own thing. (But maybe we still do because we are nosy like that.)
So even though I prefer to cook alone, when I bake I think of my sisters.
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